Sometimes you even fool yourself

I was recently reminded that things that are posted on the interwebs are there for all to see even if you take them off, but it's even worse when you don't even remember what you wrote. I didn't write anything bad, just things that I probably shouldn't have if that wasn't what I was truly feeling. I think that I took Facebook to be a place where I could post all the happy that was really hiding all the sad. I lived on Facebook, it was my only link to the outside world and it's only link back to me. So I put on a good face. I have been looking at pictures of myself and the ex and neither of us look actually happy when we are in pictures together. It looks like a façade, and let me tell you, the two of us are great actors. We even had ourselves and the other one fooled. Calling him the love of my life was something I thought that I should say because we were married. Truth be told our marriage was one of practicality more so than love and passion. I know that he would agree. We just didn't fit properly. It's like that one puzzle piece that has an extra little bump that you know if you cut off would fit perfectly, but then the puzzle would look funny. We almost fit. I just wish we had realized it sooner. It would have saved us a lot of trouble that we didn't need. It would have saved our families from heart break.... I can't say that I am sorry for the relationship or that I regret it at all. As I always say, I never regret anything, it makes me who I am and why should I be sorry for who I am. I don't regret the relationship or even the marriage really. I learned who I was by being who I wasn't. I learned that I can fight for something when I want it bad enough and I can walk away just as easily as I can fight. I learned that I am creative and that no matter what someone does to me or makes me feel I won't crawl down in the dirt to get revenge. I don't even want revenge. I just want to be done with him for good. And I think I finally am. It's only a financial relationship now, until I don't need that from him anymore. I wish him all the best though.